Abused women face multiple barriers in trying to cope with the problem of abuse. Coping includes trying to decide whether to disclose the abuse, making the decision to leave, or accessing services for herself or her family.

All forms of abuse are attempts to control. As a result of being subjected to control tactics an abused woman may:
• believe she provoked her partner’s abuse and that she did something to deserve it;
• believe that if she changes what she does or says, her partner will stop the abuse;
• feel guilty about the violence and abuse;
• deny the full extent of terror and anger that she feels;
• be very concerned with trying to keep the family together;
• be ashamed of her injuries and try to hide the fact that there is abuse is happening in her home;
• believe that the abuse happens only to her and to no one else;
• believe that no one can help her;
• underestimate her ability to do things, believing that she cannot take care of herself;
• demonstrate incredible endurance in surviving.

Abused women identify many reasons for not disclosing their experiences to their families, friends or professionals. These reasons could include: a need for privacy, isolation, a lack of knowledge about agencies, difficulties with agencies due to prior negative experiences, cost, consequences of approaching an agency (e.g. fear of losing children), not wanting to have charges laid against the partner, hoping things will get better and fearing that her partner will find out about the disclosure and inflict punishment. A woman may feel unable to disclose the abuse for fear of not being understood, for fear of not being taken seriously, or for fear of being blamed for the abuse. Women report that they are not often asked about abuse by professionals and that they would be more likely to report if asked.

When assisting an abused woman, she may become defensive and she may deny or minimize the abuse. Try to understand her, do not become angry at her, offer to go with her if she needs help, and let her know you will be supportive in all situations, regardless of her decisions.

Although you have expressed concern and are offering to help, she may decide to stay in the relationship. It is not your role to convince her to leave. If she stays you can help by keeping a record of what is happening. This may be useful in helping her to see the pattern of abuse or it may help if the situation results in any legal proceedings.

After sharing your desire to help, the abused woman may decide to leave the abuser. You can help her to locate a local abused women's shelter and/or other supportive programs. Services for abused women will help a woman to find her way through the network of supports and services she will need to regain control over her life.