Healthy Relationships: Inclusivity within friendships

One day, you open social media, whether Instagram or BeReal and you see your friends all hanging out.  This scenario is undoubtedly familiar to many of us and the sinking feeling of being left out is tough to ignore. However, maybe you’ve had the confidence to approach the situation in a non-confrontational, open conversation with your friends. But when doing so, maybe you've received responses like: "It was a small gathering," "We thought you'd be busy," or "I didn't plan this event. Ask [insert name]…”. Yet,  no matter the explanation, the feeling still stings and might leave you questioning your place in your friend group.

Another situation that may be common is when your friends speak a language that you aren't fluent in. You grow disconnected from everyone whenever you engage in conversation that shifts to a language you don't speak. In fact, from the outside, you smile and appear to follow along, but deep down, you feel invisible, as if your existence has no value.

That said, when inclusivity is spoken about, it is commonly associated with workplace or academic contexts. However, speaking about inclusivity in friendships is just as important. Feeling valued and included should not be limited to school or workplace practices,  it should also be a core part of how we treat the people we care about in everyday life.

How to Cope & Communicate

The best way to approach any feelings of exclusion is to first acknowledge that it's okay to feel hurt. Emotions are a natural part of being human. However, it’s how we choose to handle these emotions and move forward that truly matters. In particular, when navigating these experiences, below are some practices you can use to guide you through the situation.

• Reflect on your feelings: Before speaking to your friends about your feelings, you should take a moment to reflect on them. Reflecting on what you are feeling can help you address the situation more efficiently. That is, you’ll be able to have a better perspective of the situation and be less likely to respond impulsively or act on negative emotions in a way that limits successful communication.
  
  
• Open and honest communication: It is recommended you have an open and honest communication with your friends. This is because maybe they didn't realize you were feeling left out. Likewise, you also have the right to express your feelings rather than bottling them in. But that being said, it’s important to remember to be honest and considerate. As  advice, Using “I” statements, for example, can help you avoid sounding accusatory and prevent your friends from becoming defensive. Moreover, being able to actively listen to your friends to better understand their side of the situation is also just as important. Therefore, having an open conversation while also actively listening shows respect for everyone’s emotions and hopefully clears up misunderstandings.
  
  
• Give yourself time: As mentioned, it is of course natural to feel hurt when excluded. Give yourself time to process these feelings and heal. However, if you find this is a recurring problem, it is then important to consider if this friendship is providing you the support and respect you deserve. Healthy friendships should make you feel valued, not invisible.

Ways to be More Inclusive

Making others feel included and valued, and creating spaces where everyone feels they can contribute, isn’t limited to academic or professional settings. In friendships, it’s just as important. Below are some ways to foster inclusivity in your friendships.

• Be mindful of group dynamics: This means to ensure that you are aware of the dynamics in any friend hangouts or conversations. It is important to ensure you are aware that you are not creating a clique or excluding others, even if it is unintentional.
  
  
• Encourage open communication: Foster an environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings. Create a space where friends can freely share what's on their mind, whether it's about feeling left out or wanting to participate more. This helps to prevent misunderstandings and strengthens your friendships.
  
  
• Embrace diversity: Be aware of differences in interests, cultures, and backgrounds. For example, if you know or notice a friend is not familiar with a certain language or topic, try to involve them in a way that they can understand and/or contribute to the discussion. Celebrating and respecting differences helps everyone feel more comfortable and valued in friendships.
  
  

Takeaway

In conclusion, inclusion is really important in friendships. Being able to make your friends feel seen and valued helps strengthen your friendships. Additionally, being open and honest about feelings of exclusion helps clear up misunderstandings. Ultimately, true friendships should make you feel respected, supported, and valued at all times.