Rural Roots: Seeing, naming and changing intimate partner violence in rural communities

Distance

Distance is an issue for everyone who lives in a rural community, no matter what they want to do. Even for those who live in a village or small town, many services may be located in a larger centre some distance away.

This has a significant impact on victims/survivors who are in or leaving a relationship in which they are being abused by their partner. A victim/survivor who does not have their own vehicle or enough money to pay for gas will find it challenging to flee immediate danger, get to an appointment with a lawyer or meet with a counsellor or therapist. If their partner monitors their use of the car by checking the gas gauge or odometer, they will be limited even more.

In some places, the nearest police detachment may be far away, making the response time longer. Not all rural detachments are staffed 24 hours a day, in which case an emergency response will come from even farther away.

Distance affects important decisions a victim/survivor has to make if they are thinking about leaving their partner. Relocating for safety reasons may not be an option, simply because the victim/survivor would have to go too far for it to be practical. The victim/survivor may decide not to go into a shelter, even if this would increase their safety, if it is distant from their home and too far away from where they work or where the children go to school.

A restraining order or peace bond may be of little use to a victim/survivor because of the distance from their house to the closest police detachment. In that case, if the abuser is at the front door threatening a victim/survivor, calling the police is not going to be very helpful in terms of immediate safety, even if their partner is violating a court order.

Lack of public transportation

There is little to no public transportation in rural communities. Combined with the long distances, this creates a barrier for people needing to get to services and activities.

Without public transportation, victims/survivors have few options to get to appointments or to escape unsafe situations. Calling on friends for rides may mean others find out about the abuse, which can create further safety concerns. Taxis, if any are available, are likely to be out of reach financially for many victims/survivors. Uber and similar services do not generally operate in rural and small communities.

The lack of easy ways to get around, whether in an emergency, to meet with a lawyer or counsellor, to go to court or to visit with a friend creates safety challenges and can make victims/survivors feel isolated and trapped.

If a victim/survivor with children leaves the abuser, transporting the children back and forth to see their other parent can be expensive and time consuming.

Lack of Services

Small communities cannot offer the range and diversity of services for victims/survivors who are being abused by their partners that can be found in urban centres. This creates unique challenges for those with specialized needs, such as victims/survivors who require interpretation services and cultural accommodation, 2SLGBTQIA+ victims/survivors, and those experiencing mental health or substance use issues. Victims/survivors may have no access to services at all or have no choice in the service that is available.

Often, in-person community-based counselling services are available on a part-time basis, which can mean victims/survivors may have long wait times to meet with a counsellor.

Legal issues

A victim/survivor leaving an abusive partner, especially if they have children, faces a number of important and complex family law issues and requires ready access to expert legal advice and representation. Victims/survivors may also be dealing with criminal and/or child protection issues.

The number of lawyers practicing in small towns and rural communities is small and diminishing. In remote parts of the province, there are often no local lawyers at all. Where there are lawyers, most are generalists who practice in many areas of law.

As a result, a victim/survivor may have trouble finding a lawyer with family law expertise, especially if they need one who is well informed about IPV and has the skills the case requires. Lawyers who accept legal aid certificates are even harder to find. For 2SLGBTQIA+ victims/survivors, the search can be even more difficult, as there may be few—if any—lawyers in the area who are affirming and experienced in handling cases involving gender and sexual diversity. As a result, a victim/survivor may have to settle for a local lawyer without the specialized expertise they need or work with a lawyer from an urban area who may not understand the rural realities that impact their case.

Small communities, especially in remote parts of the province, often do not have full-time courts. Sometimes, court is set up for one day a week or month in a community centre or other public building, with the judge, lawyers and court staff coming into the community from an urban location. Other times, victims/survivors must travel long distances to get to the nearest court.

Court processes are slow everywhere, but especially in rural communities. If the court sits only once a week or month or if the judge who comes into town is in a conflict of interest for some reason, delays can stretch on and on. This can put a victim/survivor in a bad situation. The victim/survivor may need the criminal case to be over before the family law case can move ahead or they may need to move for safety reasons but be unable to do so before an order permitting relocation with the children is granted. It might take months before a child or spousal support order is in place, leaving a victim/survivor and their children in poverty in the meantime.

Supervised parenting time locations are few and far between in rural communities; creating transportation and accessibility issues for victims/survivors who need to bring their children to a supervised visiting centre so they can spend time with the other parent.

Lack of privacy

The anonymity of urban centres can make it easier for a victim/survivor whose partner is abusive to have the privacy needed to seek help. In contrast, privacy is often not an option in rural and remote communities, where close-knit social networks make it difficult to reach out for support without fear of exposure. This challenge is even greater for 2SLGBTQIA+ (especially if they are not out), and racialized victims/survivors, who may face additional stigma, discrimination, or community pressure that deters them from seeking help.

In small communities, personal and professional relationships often overlap. The hairdresser who notices bruises on a client’s neck might be their in-law. The police officer responding to a 911 call could be their neighbor. A victim’s/survivor’s in-laws may recognize their car outside the family lawyer’s office, and the abuser’s sibling might coach their children’s soccer team. Anything the victim/survivor does outside their usual routine is likely to be noticed by someone and could be reported back to their partner or former partner. This constant visibility makes it incredibly difficult to take steps to leave the relationship or even to gather essential information about available support.

Isolation

Lack of privacy is one issue; isolation is another. Unlike in an urban setting, where help is often nearby, a victim/survivor living in a rural area can’t just run to a neighbour or a nearby public space to get away from a dangerous situation. The lack of public transportation contributes to feelings of isolation.

The abuser’s power and the victim/survivor’s feeling that they are alone in the world are reinforced when they can’t easily drop in on a friend or neighbour, or even a nearby store, for casual conversation or support.

Communication

People in urban areas take internet and cell phone access for granted, but those who live away from the main transportation corridors have no such luxury. The cost of such services can be prohibitively high. Many parts of rural and remote Ontario continue to have no, limited or unreliable internet and cell service access.

The lack of reliable cell phone access places victims/survivors with abusive partners at risk when they need to call for help. Lack of internet access makes it difficult for them to gather information about services and their legal rights and responsibilities. It also creates challenges if some or all of the children’s contact time with their other parent is virtual or by telephone.

Animals

Animals are a significant presence in many rural families, whether as pets or livestock. A victim/survivor who has been isolated from family and friends by an abusive partner may get great emotional support from pets. Livestock is a significant financial asset for the family and, often, farmers are emotionally attached to these animals. It’s not uncommon for an abuser to threaten to harm or kill animals as a way to control their partner’s behaviour and to keep the victim/survivor from leaving. If the victim/survivor can’t take pets when leaving and can’t find somewhere to house livestock, they might stay with an abusive partner, even if it is not safe to do so.

Economics

Poverty is a reality in many rural communities. Jobs that pay a living wage are scarce, as is affordable housing. The lack of public transportation means people bear the cost of car ownership and operation. Food is likely to be more expensive, as there are fewer discount grocery store options.

If a victim/survivor decides to leave their abusive partner, they will likely have trouble finding a job that pays adequately, especially if the victim/survivor needs to support children. Low-cost safe housing is hard to find. If the victim/survivor and their partner operated a family farm together, leaving means leaving housing, employment and income behind.

Guns

Guns are present and used for legitimate purposes in many rural homes. A farmer may use a gun to control pest animals in the barn or fields, and many rural dwellers use guns to hunt game, which becomes the family’s meat for the year. Because of this, the presence of firearms has become normalized and taken for granted.

Familiarity can lead to careless storage of firearms, which makes it easier for an abuser to pull out a gun and use it to threaten and intimidate a partner/former partner or, in extreme cases, to kill them, members of the family or even pets. In rural communities, guns are used in domestic violence homicides at a rate more than twice that in urban domestic violence homicides (29% compared to 12%).

If the police are aware that the abuser has guns, they may have concerns for their own safety that mean they are slower to enter the home if the victim/survivor reaches out to them for help.
Even bail or other conditions that require an abuser to turn over firearms may not be effective in a rural setting. An abuser may be able to have guns returned during hunting season. An abuser also might be able to “sell” or “give” guns to a friend or relative and borrow them back or convince a neighbour to lend a gun, claiming the need to deal with animal pests on the farm. All of this makes life less safe for victims/survivors.

See it, name it, check it

See it: be aware of common warning signs of intimate partner violence so you know it when you see it
Name it: for what it is, to yourself and to the person you are concerned about
Check it: for danger, for yourself and reach out for community expertise

Once you see it, name it and check it, you can think about how you can help.

Providing practical help:

Survivor’s safety plan

Safety for neighbours, friends, and families